Tag: Healing

Christian, Fibromyalgia, Strength In Difficulties

How In the World Did I Survive?

I had no idea God would use my chronic condition to help me see how He can work in the biggest storms in my life. I had the hardest time trying to explain to people what I was feeling as my Fibro symptoms grew each year and kept attacking my body 24/7. It grew chronic and happened everyday. I really just wanted to die.

When someone has Fibro and related conditions, it’s not just musculoskeletal. It is neuromuscular, musculoskeletal and systemic symptoms. It is a dysfunction of the nervous system. And it attacks the body at the cellular level. Your body just gets pounded by huge turbulent waves one after another. It doesn’t stop.

And when it stops, you don’t know how long of a break you have. Then it starts all over again. And gets stronger in frequency and intensity. You begin to lose your identity. As it takes over your life. How in the world did I survive?

Psalm 69.1-3 “Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary with crying; my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for my God.”

But Christ doesn’t fail! As He, even in the middle of a great tempest, can be at peace as He was asleep in the middle of it as mentioned in Matthew 8. He didn’t take away my chronic pain sooner as I wanted Him to…but He did give me peace, comfort and grace to go through it.

Today, I feel like I just left the battlefield where I am no longer in the front lines getting shot at and stepping on mine fields everyday. But I am now on a ship with my comrades injured, bruised but healing. I am not out of the woods. But thankful my nervous system has quieted down A LOT! And I will continue to wait for God to do His work in me. Because I have learned to trust in Him as He continues to prove Himself to be real, faithful and true. He is full of mercy and grace. As at the end of the day, it is all about Christ who lives in me.

Family Stuff, Fibromyalgia

The Shadow of Your Smile

As I was going about my morning today, I stumbled upon this song and reminded me how much I love it so much!

Tony Bennet reminds me of my Dad. I remember how he often listened to his music and would pretend he was Tony Bennet as he would sing to my Mom. I’m thankful for good memories as my Dad has not been the same since his stroke in Feb 2002. Our entire family had to adjust to the new norm. Having these good memories also helps me remember of who I used to be before getting so sick with Fibromyalgia. As I really lost a sense of who I am.

Talking to long time friends recently brought me back to my darkest days with Fibro and helped me remember how far I’ve come! When I have my quiet moments, He helps me see how my suffering and hardship all these years happened for a reason. His divine reason. Once I stopped denying and fighting this nasty disease, I became more at peace and felt content despite the onslaught of daily pain. The kind of contentment that it’s okay if I don’t heal right away. Or be cured. Once I did this, I became more focused in my journey of healing.

It was then I realized my ULTIMATE healing was not going to come from food, exercise, etc.  It has helped me heal and is continuing to help me heal.  But God is the one who put me on the road to healing.  I was again reminded I am not my own!  And though I lost a sense of who I am, I was pointed back to the reality that my true identity is in Christ alone.

As much as I wanted to take control of my healing, I was reminded God is in control and He will heal me in His time. My creator is my ultimate healer. He is the SOURCE OF EVERYTHING I’ve been able to find to help me heal. And He still continues to provide as I walk this journey.